The Life of...Sigh.

Posted by - Rohit

With all my conviction in one place and with my head hidden in my arms, I sat introspecting. When I was moments away from hearing a voice from within saying "It's ok to watch the Kardashians", the door bell rang. It was a wedding card - Shaju weds Sajini. With the card in his hands and the look that was akin to the one that Ang Lee gave Irrfan Khan when he heard him speak American, my father said...nothing. It was enough for him to convey "You need to get ready for JeevanSaathi.com...btw, why was Khloe crying?"
I sat absorbed in my own blue funk, letting the consequences of being a 26 year old seep in. At that moment I wanted something that would help me lift the burden of those contemptuous looks entitled to people reaching 27. With the intent of finding a higher meaning to life...I logged into Facebook.

Before I could go on to acknowledge status updates like "Ma new byk...wy don u lyk?" and words like "Ma lyf ma rulezz" - which depicted wisdom in its most complex form, I sensed there were too many red and pinks shimmering. These were relationship updates. But as I scrolled past every update featured on my timeline; I could see some disgruntled 25+ year old; I could feel the gush of pink on my face, thanks to the mushy ones; could see the confused souls who even replied to Birthday wishes by muttering "Kya maalum yaar" and finally the disillusioned ones who believed that they were Miley Cyrus and Facebook was Disney.

You always wanted to prove that you were better off by not marrying your ex but just as you trudge ahead with absolute nonchalance towards their lives and happenings, you get notified about some random friend liking an album. "Euro trip with Hubby", "Finally...I'm Engaged.", "Thank God I met you Sona...", "Me and Ma Hubby in Hawaii and Dubai". As I scrolled down, I kept seeing some of this. Such instances make your lips go dry, you feel that void in yourself and your legs quiver not handling the weight of your sorrow. Imagine smooching Mayawati. Exactly that.

As I scrolled on, I felt bad for this particular group of people, the confused ones. People who finally realize that this not what they really wanted. They believe that their true calling is from somewhere else but don't realize what and how would one go about it. Imagine walking cluelessly towards finding life's purpose; towards finding a meaning to your existence; towards making your life more significant; you see a flickering light supposedly the end of the road, a road which characterizes all your hardships towards attaining Nirvana. You are all set to hear that sound of solace but instead hear a voice which goes..."Oh JEJUS"...Yes Rakhi. Yes. That is how it feels. I could see many of them trying to come out of this web of perplexity but a status update is how far they could reach.

Scrolling down I happened to see these love birds coochi-cooing in front of 1000 other unknown/known faces.
"I Luv You Chikku..."
"I Luv you too Sweety...but don't call me Chikku in front of others...ha ha"
"Ok Chikku...but I love you more."
This was disheartening since I had no one to call me Chikku but it was relieving as nobody does.

With the heartbroken, confused and the mush-dipped-deep-fried-in-raunch-and-strawberry people making their state of mind clear I thought it's better to move away to a much less gaudy place. Maybe twitter.
I scrolled down to witness every wannabe stand up comic's lame attempt to humour. But then, I never expected this gush of mush once again as it said - "Chikku, I'm here too...".
I thought this was ok. Since, I had to only face her show of affection towards this Chikku fellow...but then, she RETWEETED his reply -
"And I'm here with you Chikki..."

I had it enough now, I wanted to go back towards watching the Kardashians or something similar like...the UFC but it just wasn't happening. I needed peace and wanted less people around. So, I opened my GMAIL account. That was the only possible place where I wouldn't find people too happy or sulking so much that they fit into their own foreskin. But then, alongside, this guy had his status message "Lyfe is Da Bitch". His girlfriend married someone else. Hence.

That was it. I couldn't take it, not even for a second. I realized I had to take action, be patient and not get disheartened with the happenings around me. And finally...

I, now have an account on Jeevansaathi.com

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15 comments:

  1. make sure u send me the invite "Monu"

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  2. ohhh unsuspecting-boy!! here is a glimpse of what lies ahead..Very soon your mailbox is gonna get spammed by membership update alerts, expression of interests & "Your true-life-partner-is-still-out-there" rejection mails and will it end thr? hell NO!! You are gonna get calls from unknown people telling you which membership plan would serve your purpose better and much more! *SHUDDER*

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  3. Really nice one.

    Somewhere near 30 and all I am thinking about is bicycle & planning next trip me and my frnds.
    And still no a/c on jeevansaathi.com, I knew I was missing something in life.

    Thanks for guiding me towards the correct path. ;-)

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  4. Y u no become ambassador of JeevanSathi.com to all single Mallu girls? You'll strike gold. Literally! :D
    Anyways this blog post was hilarious!!! I can boast now on Facebook saying "Me n ma bloggr friend" :D

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  5. Good one buddy. "Imagine smooching Mayawati" was legendary! lol

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  6. "Chikku, I'm here too..."! hahahaha.. great one dude :D

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  7. You know, you perfectly captured my feelings in your post. I am in New Zealand, and yet in the virtual world you have transported me to your world and made me feel an emotional connection with you.

    Trial and tribulations of the single guy. You meet people who are either overly pessimistic or optimistic about love, and it is confusing to a guy who has never experienced it.

    I myself am going through that phase.

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  8. Found your blog via Quore.
    Good, witty, honest and unfortunately relatable.
    Going to subscribe, I quite liked what I read so far. Looking forward to reading more. Must say, your daily lafdas are fairly engaging! :)
    All the best with your book!

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  9. I just loved the sarcastic undertone to the humour. The entire article has a sardonic yet fluent style and I enjoyed the little tid-bits and mannerisms involving real people. Awesome work...keep it up, bro!!

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  10. Honestly, u have pen down the thoughts of any 27year old, troubled by people for marriage :-)

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  11. Stumbled upon your story on Quora and it was as if I was reading my own!
    So, this is totally relatable. You forgot to mention the poop machines some of them are churning out these days, that's a coochi-ku in its own league! Feels like we've been left far behind in the race :P
    Keep up the good work; Inspired!! :)

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