Being An Engineer.

Posted by - Rohit

Being a part of a South Indian Middle class family one has to witness strict norms that need strict adherence. For instance there should be at least one Engineer or Doctor within the family. You are considered a rebel if you turn out to become an Architect or considered possesed if you even think of a career in the Media.
So, I am not indifferent to such protocols and its repercussions if they aren't followed. So here I'm, an Engineer.

All said and done, becoming an Engineer is not easy and it's not the course curriculum that makes it difficult but the rules that one needs to adopt are tougher than most of the brotherhoods or secret societies. So, all these ivy league high-browed walls, with their alpha-beta-gamma sects here's an in your face fact of supremacy about us Engineers.
So what does it take...to be an Engineer.

1. ATKTs
Right from the day you kick the 'lotta' of rice while entering the institution you should know that KTs are there to stay. What it means is that you are Allowed To Keep Term, but even the dictionary has an alternate meaning for it. KTs define a person, his character, his resilience and doens't make him forget that he is mere human.  Friendship is directly proportional to the number of KTs one has. For instance, I had three KTs and my best friend had five. A good engineer has no KTs, but a better engineer has some while the best manufactured engineering products talk in terms of Year Drops.


2. Bulk Clearance.
A good engineer always clears more than 6 papers at a time. It defines the amount of pressure one can handle. This defines one's multiprocessing ability in the long run it makes you a better husband as constant nagging and constant whining are filtered as those back logs are percieved as the bird's eye that needs to be targetted. One of my senior in college cleared 18 at a time. Rumour has it a girl tatooed his name on her back.


3: '40'...The Forty.
That's your dream, the sole purpose of being an engineering student. A true engineering student would know the thrill of gaining that golden figure. Tears, thrill, exhilleration, illumination, alleviated consternation, disentangled convolution and finally free from constipation. A true engineering student should at least get 40 in three subjects, if you get more than them understand that, this is what you were born for. If your friend doesn't get that golden figure in any of the subject, unfriend, now. He/she is up to something secretive.


4: 'Copy' Writing.
You are never meant to write assignments of your own, doing so, you would be termed as 'Dedh Shaana' and would be boycotted from the raw engineers sect. Always copy your assignments from the 'not-meant-to-be-engineers' class. An average engineer's writing speed is 800-1000 words per minute and it's only because one writes all those assignments in bulk just a day prior to the final submission. The record for top writing speed has been 1247 words per minute held by one of my seniors. Rumour has it the same girl I had previously mentioned about tatooed his name on her forearm.

Nail it Brothers

5. Understand encoded english.
The teachers belonging to engineering colleges speak in a language that doesn't sound like english, but is english. An engineering student tries very very hard to make some sense out of the lines which has some english words brilliantly mixed with regional diction. Reciprocate without hurting their sentiments. That's an exercise in itself to tackle goverment servants.


6: They are professors, yes they are.
Engineering professors are nothing but passouts from the rural college of whatever. They are at the most only a couple of years older to you. You would most of the time be tempted to call them Bhaiyya or Didi. Restrain yourself. Understand they are professors. A true engineering student would never retailiate towards ineffective teaching by even ineffective teachers having no effective knowledge as this self restrainment would help them achieve better relations with potentially hateful bosses.


7: Give it up for the...Orchestra!
Yes, Engineering students face the worst Cultural festival ever. A promised Rockband goes through heavy metamorphosis in the last minute to become an Orchestra. Alka Yagnik, Kumar Sanu, Udit Narayan you are our heroes. In our first year the DJ played "Kaala kauva".In the second year he played "Kaala Kauva", in third year he again played "Kaala Kauva" finally in the final year he played "Kaala Kauva Remix". One of my seniors was headbanging on Bappi Da's  "You are my chicken fry". And the girl I was talking about is rumoured to have a his named tatooed on her shoulder.
Now you probably know why we can still watch RaOne in 3D and not complain about it.

8: Study but...
Watch something like Bedroom Partner (a movie) just a day before the exam and then start studying...together. Every engineer does. 40 is all you want, then why would you ever want to waste time, that can be converted to moments, just by studying something that was obselete a century back. Emphasize on this: Study just a day before.

They are not just protocols but a test that can deem us as really low profile demi-gods.
Bohemians, mavericks, diplomats, outcasts, social misfits and 100% original, we the raw ones are the true ones. So respect me as soon as I say, I'm an Engineer.

Amma, I can wear shorts to work. (The Directi Song)

Posted by - Rohit


I get ready for the day,
with my shorts and shirt,
That's when my mom asks me "Why you dressed up like a jerk",
And I look back at her with my shining smirk,
I say "Oh Amma, I can wear shorts to work".

I reach my office gate, it's pretty late
And the guard says "Good Morning Sir",
that's when the other one corrects him,
"It's, What's up Sir"

Amma I can wear shorts to work
Amma I can wear shorts to work.

On my first day at work,
I met this guy who looked 22,
I asked him if at all was food free too.
He smiled back and told me that he was also new.
Later the HR told me he's our boss, he is 32.

On Friday, my father asks if I'm gonna work up late,
He reminds it's a dry day, so there's no notion of potion.
Too much work is what I say and he hangs up in pride.
Truth being my boss and me are playing Counter Strike.

Amma I can wear shorts to work
Amma I can wear shorts to work.

I hold my head up as I walk in my shorts,
I look upto the walls of this epitome of brilliance,
An institution built where in no one's a minion
And it's been only 12 years, now worthy of 300 million.


Amma I can wear shorts to work
Amma I can wear shorts to work.
Amma I can wear shorts to work
Oh Amma I can wear shorts to work.

The Unsung Hero: Rahul Dravid

Posted by - Rohit

He came in as a replacement for the prodigal Vinod Kambli, unceremoniously thrown out of the game by the then favourite featuring Board. It would have been a tough task to replace the only batsman who was till date compared to Sachin Tendulkar and even stated by their coach, Ramakant Achrekar, as better amongst the two maestros. Then came the thin moustached Rahul Dravid. 13K plus test runs and 10,000 plus runs in ODIs since then.
Rahul Dravid, the unsung hero of Indian Cricket.


The only player after Adam Gilchrist to play maximum number of Test matches back to back. He probably isn't the most flamboyant of them all but we probably have lost one of the true disciples of the game there ever was. Throughout his career he has been the perfect team player. The perfect deputy.
His 95 at Lords was overshadowed by a gritty and talented Sourav Ganguly who cracked a 100 on debut. Even on ground breaking performances by the Indian Team, like the one in the 1999 World Cup his 145 against Srilanka was overshadowed by a 183, yet again, by Sourav Ganguly. Dravid came in to bat when India had lost Sadagoppan Ramesh in the very first over itself. His century against Kenya in the same world cup was almost dim and left unnoticed by a teary eyed Sachin Tendulkar Century who a couple of days prior to the match was bereaved of his Father. Hence Dravid is the only Indian cricketer to get back to back centuries in a World Cup Tournament.
India crashed out of the 1999 world cup in the super six stage itself and Rahul Dravid was the highest run getter in the tournament but missed out on a Man of the Series to the unreal, unconventional, superlative performer, the mad-man Lance 'Zulu' Klusener.


Respect

During the 2001 Border-Gavaskar trophy, Dravid was struggling to get his act together which saw him come into bat at No.7. The Australians back then were at their mightiest best with 16 test wins back to back and had also won the Laureus best team in the world award for this feat, the only cricket team to have won this Oscar of sport. That is when we witnessed the modern day battle where the Red Indians beat the Vikings.
The team was following on and when Dravid had come in we had a slender lead but were 5 wickets down. At the other end, VVS 'I-love-Australia' Laxman was all set to murder the Aussie attack. Dravid scored 180, whereas Laxman scored 281. The match was won with Laxman becoming the Man of Match and Dravid smiled and clapped in the background just being a part of the team that had defied all odds to beat the Aussies. Virat Kohli would have ran around the ground asking everyone (including the Indian audience) to "fu** off" and then would be reprimanded for calling the curator a bitch.

Between 2000 - 2002 India were struggling to find the right wicket keeper for the team. We did have good keepers but who were also absolute duds with the bat. Nayan Mongia, Sameer Dighe, Vijay Dahiya, MSK Prasad, Ajay Ratra. They came, they saw and they never came back again as Dravid decided to wear the gloves so as to accommodate the extra batsman within the team, Mohammed Kaif. They got their act in place in the first match itself against the pampered English Cricket team in the Natwest Trophy where the Indian team chased a good total of 272 posted by the English. Mohammed Kaif, shone with the bat with late blows. This team went on to win the Natwest Trophy as Mohammed Kaif played the innings of his life with a resilient 87 not out in the final and we finally came to know that  Ganguly was flabbier than what he thought. This team went on to seal their place in the finals of the 2003 World Cup and also in Sahara's Ambey Valley.

His double century at Adelaide was where he took the team home single handedly and India retained the Border-Gavaskar trophy, but even then we never saw an over the top exhillerated celebration in the middle, he instead punched the air and kissed his cap.

Dravid hitting the winning runs in the Adelaide Test Match.

His versatality, his flexibility in thought has given more to his team than to him himself. A man of his calibre would always think twice before asked to bat at no. 7 but Dravid has always put his team before anything. He would always shield away an irate Sourav Ganguly when he (Ganguly) would become part of an endless verbal duel most of the time with Russel Arnold. I guess Russel Arnold knew about Nagma just like Steve Waugh did.

Throughout his career, he has never been the kind of player to stand at the center during a team photo holding the trophy, never been the kind of player who would go bonkers about his feat, profusely abuse the opposition after having hit a century. But has been the one who would give a hip shaking, bum shaking Sreesanth a tapli (smack) on the head and ask him to at least act like a teenager because expecting him to act like a grown up was hypothetical.
He retired without having played a farewell match and held back sentiments of playing the one last test match in his country. No fairytale ending. Again, something he thought would benefit the team.

Still remember this Pepsi advertisement back then where Dravid would keep striking a ball which was suspended from a ceiling. That act of his was so synonymous to who he has been. He was overclouded by the flamboyance and the greats of his era, but these greats existed only because Rahul stood at the other end willing to be run out.

A gentleman, an orator, classy, orthodox, focussed, horrendous actor, the team player, the ideal cricketer, the real Hero. R for Resilience, R for Respect, R for Rahul.

The Great Indian Melodrama

Posted by - Rohit

Coming home after work I always have to hear that silly, soapy, sappy background score that piggybacks itself along with even sillier Soap Operas. When in the late 80s and early 90s we had shows like Nukkad, Circus, Fauji that mostly focussed on the middle class and their simple problems with absolutely no over the top acting skill exhibition (mind you even Shahrukh Khan was in his prime those days), no glitter, no 'borrowed' background score, just simple and plain family drama, television did make sense. But now, Indian Television, I believe is going through a process called reverse evolution (is reverse evolution even a word. Does reverse evolution mean revolution?...Ahh chuck it). Absolutely unwanted melodrama, eye hurting shimmer and absolute non-chalance for people's patience is what seems to work for them. The current mantra is to find a topic that seems to be gripping to the common man, say child marriage, caste discrimination, gender inequality, widow marriages, dowry and then after 20 odd episodes just make that character a "Bahu Rani", portray the Bahu Rani's mom in law as a bitch and Voila...You have a TRP lurer!

What makes these mindfelling, spineless, corny  stories a real success is the amount of drama inculcated. We love it don't we. I mean come on, I watched Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi as a kid (but stopped just as Smriti Irani gained weight).

Sigh!

We seem to adopt that drama as well, as for some reason this drama seems to be a way of life. If the rich can act petty...so can we. For instance, let me give you a glimpse of the amount of drama that occurs at my place.

Mom: Go get some bread and eggs.
Me: No, I'm busy blogging.
Mom: Kya? (Means 'What'.Head turns once) Kya? (Twice) Kya? (Thrice)
Me: Haan. (meaning yes, sternly without blinking). Haan. (Sternly without blinking). Haan (Sternly again. I just blinked. I'm not Rebecca Black)
Dad: Burp!
Mom: Did I just hear what you said?
Me: I just said what you heard.
Dad: Yawn...

And it goes on and on, until our society watchman interferes and volunteers to buy bread and eggs and then Mom asks him to get a kg onion, garam masala, Scotch Brite and Tide along with bread and eggs.


And look at the amount of patience it takes to watch these shows. On a Monday episode they would show a woman offering poison in a cup of tea to some guy. Till the end of tuesday, the guy would admire the cup. At the end of the Wednesday episode he brings the cup to his lips. On thursday he takes 2 sips. At the end of Friday's episode he gulps in the entire tea. Next Monday he starts choking and by next Friday he dies. Super! Wait wait, it's not over yet. He comes back to life after 6 Thursdays on a Friday. It works, every single time. And you probably know why the character is poisoned, it's because the guy, being in his early 30s, doesn't want to play a grandfather owing to a generation leap which is on the cards and a tried and tested superhit formula for producers but after a handshake off the sets he returns back to the show playing the dead guy's son. Lead protagonists leaving shows stranded is not a new thing. Like our very own Mohnish Behl who played the male protagonist on a hit TV show just left it stranded as he supposedly couldn't do intimate roles with his co-star. And reportedly Mohnish Behl threw tantrums on the sets. Tantrums? I think that is what insecure housewives do. So I really think there was something else brewing in here. In the dialogue mode now,

Behl: Director Saab!
(Camera zooms into Behl and just as his nostrils seem vivid, it zoom's out)
Behl: Your toilet seat is of the worst quality ever. Plus you have no sense of colour.
Director: What? (Going Once). What? (Twice). What? (Thrice)
The Director taking it personally, probably because he owns a ceramics shop.
Director: Did you say worst quality?
Behl: Yes...
Spot Boy: Chaila... (Marathi Slang...forget it)
Director: You are barred from using it then. (Take that)
Behl: Then I quit.
Director: Ok.
Behl: Ok?

So this soggy saga would go on and on. I truly believe none of the currently televised shows are doing anything to evolve people with respect to ideas, taste, thoughts and values. Comedy is loud, reality shows have drama, drama is hackeneyed and what on earth is CID about? There's more that is required to bring Indian Television out of these shackles of limited creative scope (too dramatic, wasn't it?)
I sincerely pray, that Christopher Nolan goes bankrupt and so desperate that he only gets to do Indian Television and nothing else.
Until then -
"Deal with Drama"!! (Going once)
"Drama" (twice)
"Drama" (Thrice).