Geeks - The Gods of Chastity?

Posted by - Rohit

We may be termed as new age mazdoors who play around with extreme combinations of Alphanumeric characters, who contribute to that piece of code which integrates into an all pervading software, for whom calculation of complex Mathematics and untangling algorithm is just a way of life, and who believe that Tom Cruise is a sane guy.

But haven't you ever thought why we haven't struck the right chord when it comes to being socially active and finally finding that girl of our dreams. But like most of our ill fated brothers we succumb to falling in love with that one dimensional pic and live with that 3 dimensional figure. Brothers...there is more to us, more to being limited to a life behind spectacles and orgasmic feelings which are only reserved for CPU specifications.
So, here is a list of don'ts. I care.

Analogies are meant for certain deductions that only make sense to us.
Yes, there would be a time when you would want to lend your shoulder to someone to lay their head on and wipe their tears, but that is just not enough as such sentiments are always coupled with words that consequently change the course of those tears. But understand, we are not good at it. Matters of the heart, such maudlinness, should be treated with little less practicality.
She - "He is getting engaged to someone else".
You (who secretly likes her) - "Hey, life here in Mumbai is faster than Internet in the US".
She - *A blank stare for 43 seconds*

Buy her stuff, don't expect her to buy your axiom.


Cuss words are just not our thing.
We are good human beings in other words. We don't hit your feelings. The human nuances is what we can't comprehend but if we get angry we talk about destruction right away.
"I hope you find love in front of a Nuclear reactor...and make love there...and hope your babies look like Stephen Hawking"
As of now, there is 0.1 percent chance of getting a girl, but you might just end up getting into the  negative quadrant with such lines and your overall chance with "any" girl can be shunned and shattered forever.
Yes, we do use some of them but they are just not powerful enough to blow the opposition away. Plus comebacks are just not good enough, just like the one below.
"What do you call a guy who is not familiar with Protons, Neutrons and Electrons - A Moron".
Teenage girls do better than that. What are you thinking?


From the Normal to the Paranormal.
So we don't think on the same lines as others do most of the time and our sense of humour, that accurately deduced scientific analogy, most of the time is comprehended as boring and absurd. So make sure that, that golden sense of humour is secured and sacred, as they would be quashed away and termed as "nerdy" one liners that don't make sense. For instance, my friends and I were playing pool when this extremely hot girl came in and joined us. While taking a shot my partner was focussing thoroughly on the dynamics and kinetics involved in hitting the cue ball and how would the ball ricochet in order to get right striped one in the right pocket and as a consequence was taking time.
Just then the other guy said "hehe...your session just timed out dude." We gave him a high five and conveyed, "Man, that was cool".
The girl went "Tch". See.
Brothers, they won't understand, they were never meant to. So the next time when you hear that nerdy joke, just go "Tch". Give him the high five after the girl has gone.

From the Paranormal to the Normal.
It's ok to try and come to a level of the expressive mortal but don't try too hard. For instance when this really good looking female colleague asked one of my team members, "Hey, the server doesn't seem to be enabled in the pool (of servers)", which made my colleague move restlessly (and with a slight smirk on his face) as if he was eagerly willing to crack something here, he went - "hehe...it's not in it's swimming suit yet...ha ha". Why?
The girl went "Tch", so did I (I learnt from the pool table incident).
This is just not what we are good at. Yes we are aware of this very old saying "When in Maharashtra do what the Malayalees do", but you really don't have to.


We just love our "Normal" Jokes. Give it away now.
Please, please give away the "Normal" joke once and for all.
Girl: "You are not normal."
You (The paramortal): "Yes because I'm not perpendicular to you."
You will be deemed by them as a weird pervert having geometrical fantasies.


There is a significant difference between those (mortals) who believe they understand Artificial Intelligence by watching Ra.One and us (the paramortals) who rightfully call it a sham. The significant difference, one, is our capability to scrutinize, ask what and why, to boldly go where no man has gone before and, second, the incapability to just not scrutinize, to not ask what and why, to be a bit less abstracted and the incapability to come out of that little world made out of equations. Which brings me to my next point -

Impersonation is good!
We need to come to terms with their terms and our (sacred) terms can be used within us. There is suggestive difference in the way we suggest things and some of them are showcased below:

Mortal: I think, I have started liking you
Paramortal: You are the only girl who talks to me.

Mortal: What is your favourite sport
Paramortal: Terrorists or Counter-terrorists?

Mortal: Would you come for a coffee.
Paramortal: Can I show you Counter Strike Cheats?

Mortal: I'm Horny
Paramortal: I'm Radioactive.

Mortal: I love Mills and Boons
Paramortal: Richard Stevens gives me Goosebumps but Korth made me cry.

Mortal: These are testing times
Paramortal: I'm in the Beta phase.

Mortal: You are just not stable
Paramortal: Your nucleus is devoid of protons.

Mortal: I'm now losing my appeal
Paramortal: I never had it.

(To be really frank, you just can't say you are horny. Being Radioactive is really cool! (I already feel like a mutant now...*swoosh*). Use it as a code word, but give away the rest or at least start working on them.)

It seems the Greek sex industry is now battered by an economic storm and people are now calling them Geeks. That's the kind of prejudice we need to dissolve. We aren't practitioners of celibacy, nor do we think it's a virtue. We are Bohemians, vagabonds, gurus, wannabe mutants, the obsessive intellectuals, the able crackerjacks and the dexterous weirdos.

I'm trying. I will arrive.


It's not late. Gods of Chastity? Revolution, 'We have arrived'.

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6 comments:

  1. ur post reminds me of zombie....
    mortal-can we go grab a drink?
    paramortal- "lets go down for a mountain dew?"
    hahahaha....

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  2. I like the way you have convoluted the all the attributes of paramortals and correlated them to those of mortals. I have many such examples in my life that I can correlate.

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  3. Hehe...

    awesome... liked the pool incident...
    we use that kindda thing a lot - in conversations and making some other paramortal understand what we actually mean...

    ;-)

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  4. good one.. the sad part is i can actually understand and relate to most of the geeky jokes. :-/

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  5. dude..how is the first comment a girl's ?

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  6. Just pictured the paranormal as a counter to Barney Stinson

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