Being An Indian Audience.

Posted by - Rohit
Indian entertainment has been making leaps of success with its glitter now hurting the eye. Roaring success...and the only reason behind it is you, me. Being an Indian Audience is just not that easy. I'm at times robbed, cheated and taken for a ride. At times enforced with opinions and views. My sense of humour is gaudy and as a consequence a bit secluded from true entertainment. So just let us understand what most of my brothers and sisters are exactly going through.

So here's a low down on what it takes to be an Indian Audience.

Accept 'it'...whatever it is.
I accepted that Amitabh Bacchan played the role of a kid suffering from Progreria.
I accepted that Mohanlal (at this age) played a Casanova.
I accepted that Uday Chopra was still being accepted by heroines opposite them.
I accepted that Prachi Desai played a Widow at the age of 18.
I accepted Rakhi Sawant on my TV.
I accepted that the news reporters conducted a tete-a-tete with an alien.
I accepted that media only shows the truth and never sensationalize.
I accepted that Rajnikanth is Demi God, with God like abilities.
I accepted the fact that Saif Ali Khan won the national award for Hum Tum.
I accepted the music created by Pritam and loved it too even though it was plagiarised.
I accepted the multi-talented Anu Malik as a judge in a talent show.
I accepted Farah Khan as a judge in a Singing Competition.
I accepted that talent doesn't matter, regional voting does.
I accepted the 4 star rating given to RaOne.
I accepted that there's no reality in reality shows, but I'm still watching them considering it to be real.
I accepted that 10 people were willing to get married to Rakhi Sawant.

Conventions are meant to be followed. I'm defiant.
I will watch a movie with the same story with different actors and vow to love them every time. Such movies don't divulge my mind much on other complications. It helps me be in my safe zone of thoughts.
Television Masala addresses really big problems with the universal solution of "getting-married-to-a-rich-family". And then we have a new dimension all together.
The entertainer is bigger than those meant to be entertained. I will be an imbecile if need be. Are you listening Salman?
Theatre? Nautanki. They are just a bunch of people trying to make their presence felt by acting on serious problems of society. They are talented but just not popular enough to make the cut.
Why would I ever watch a film like Dev D? The lead is just not sophisticated enough to be even considered as a lead.
Endings should be shiny...every time because I'm a super positive bloke who loves to watch fights on Big Boss.
I will not watch a film on farmer suicide but Adventures of Raj Aryan and Rahul Malhotra is what makes me sit on the edge of my seat.
The magnitude of a relationship between a Mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law is unfathomable.
Documentary? Art film na. Pagal hain kya? Let's watch Partner.
Satyajit Ray? Who? Bengali guy no?

We are believers, believers of the other kind.
I believe that I can create a cyclone using my feet.
I believe I have nine lives.
I believe that upper class is middle class.
I believe I can fight 20 people without even being poked.
I believe in re-incarnation.
I believe when I get agitated like Sunny Deol people won't chuckle.
I believe I can save the world.
I believe I'm the chosen one.
I believe that Rakhi Sawant is a celebrity.
I believe truth is to be sensationalized.
I believe talent doesn't matter, popularity does.
I believe language doesn't matter...looks do.
I believe Katrina Kaif is much more talented than any theatre artist.
I believe that shocks always result in heart attacks after 5 minutes of slow motioned reactions.
I believe Filmfare awards are fair.
I believe I can create a software in 5 minutes (Haven't seen Om Jai Jagdish?).
I believe I can take 6 bullets in my chest and still do one handed push-ups.
I believe Raghu Ram is a youth icon.
I believe I can give flying kicks in my bell bottoms (I have a couple...ok).
I believe I can marry a rich industrialist's daughter, even if I'm a taxi driver.
I believe the girl will adjust.
I believe girls adjust.
I believe Arnab Goswami is potential PM.
I believe Arindham Chaudhary is handsome.

A true believer, a blind acceptor, a hardcore loyalist, A stagnant taste, a pompous drama queen, the awestruck mediocre, the conventional cliché, the tormented, the blah that's just another blah, I'm all that. So respect me as soon as I say that I represent..."The Indian Audience".

P.S: I'm not excluded from the Audience and I'm not someone with the right taste and wisest choice. Your taste is right for you. I believe there is better we can expect. My jibe at the media is only because I don't think they act responsibly. Even though they have a good grip on the viewership these days, there seems to be no effort in bringing about a positive change towards people's outlook. Things like flashing a news flash 43 times in a minute would only make people shift places often.
I believe we can expect better from the entertainment industry. Legends are legends, for sure. But these icons have the responsibility to take the industry to new heights. Aamir Khan has been experimenting with new faces and ideas and doesn't mind a 10 minute screen space. Can we expect this from the other legends?
Theater artists should be given their due credit and recognised for spirited performances but then we follow popularity. Talent is just appreciated with the raised eyebrow and an Indian head shake and a critics choice award. Why on earth do we have that category?
Why television. When it comes to reality shows, we are going the American way for sure. Publicly demoralising private lives is not a source of entertainment. How many of us would really give away our privacy for extra bucks. What good is it for? I don't deny that I have been an offender. I sure have been one, but it's something I'm not proud of. We have TV series which have the same storyline. Most of you would say Bold and the Beautiful still runs, but then that's only one. We have TV series coming up at the rate of human beings in the country all of the same genre.
Don't you think we need to grow?

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  1. brilliant, brilliant post my friend. You're taking sarcasm to a new level. Good to see you exploring more serious topics. :-)

    you've hit the nail on the head when it comes to our maturity as an audience. But why just entertainment, isn't it a wider reflection of our maturity as a society? After all, don't we gossip in our homes and plot and scheme deviously in our workplaces the same way those apparently unbelievable saas-bahu's do in soaps on TV? Don't we celebrate ganeshotsav by blasting item numbers with suggestive lyrics from the speakers of the same pandals? Don't we think Rahul Gandhi is our future PM just because he comes from a particular family and looks smart? Don't we get our work done paying for chai-paani and then protest against corruption on facebook and twitter?

  2. Very well written on a very important social issue bro..writing seemed effortless and enjoyable..keep it up..

  3. Completely agree...!!!
    Thats why I left watching TV serials and TV news long back, all I watch is sports and listen music.

    But every word you wrote tells the truth (even I had gone through) and even loved to be a part of "Indian Audience"

    "Indian Audience" - You can hate them, you can love them, but you simply can't ignore them

  4. my fav lines :)
    I believe I can marry a rich industrialist's daughter, even if I'm a taxi driver.
    I believe the girl will adjust.
    I believe girls adjust.

  5. I believe I can marry a rich industrialist's daughter, even if I'm a taxi driver.
    I believe the girl will adjust.
    I believe girls adjust.

    seriosuly superbb :) maybe u can do a piece on pav english as well :P

  6. Dude, congrats! Shashi Tharoor retweeted your feb blog on being a malayalee. Thats how i got here. And subscribing now! :)

  7. me too! even i got here through Shashi Tharoor's tweet! and i so agree with what u said abt the indian television, its been years since i watched any of those stupid shows! No originality, no creativity nothing!

    1. Absolutely. You feel my agony don't you :D