The Reproductive System.

Posted by - Rohit

To tell you a bit about Ajit Kumar Singh, he has a unique sense of humour which on most of the cases can be comprehended as senseless. His attempts to humour at times are so irrelevant that people who don't know him would give a blank stare to people who knew him as if to convey "Are you serious about this guy?". And the people who knew him would exchange looks with him which conveyed "That was pathetic but boy...I loved it".
During our higher secondary days, Ajit and I would sit together initially. He then shifted a bench behind to so that he could pass on a smile or two to his girlfriend and most of the times receive chits with corny one liners from her.

His English was as bad as his Marathi was. His lines, "Oh whaaat it is?" and then replying back to his own question "It is what that you have seen" have legendary status.
Once he was reprimanded by our English teacher, which was no surprise. Ajit was most of the time under his line of fire as he always came up with a language that sounded like English but wasn't English but was immensely popular than English.
He was taken to the Principal by the professor. The professor went on with profuse complaints. Ajit heard. The professor continued. Ajit still hearing. The professor went on. That was it. Ajit couldn't take it any more and said -

"Arey Sir, I say sorry 100 times...but also he is not listen".

I still remember during our chemistry lectures, our professor would talk a lot about Methyl Chloride and I don't know why there was a lot of Methyl involved in our chemistry lectures, but the best part was the professor would read 'Methyl' as 'Maythil' portraying true Marathi traits. That was enough for Ajit to go ballistic over. He would involve 'Maythil' everywhere he could.

'Tu tiffin mein Maythil ka bhaaji laaya hain naa?'

A classmate named Mithila would be referred as "Maythila".

'Maythalica', 'Maythil Chloride', etc.
But his favourite one would be 'Maythil morning Ma'am'...and he would laugh...all alone. We would stare at each other and say "Is this guy for real?". There was something about him which would topple us out of our seats. His jokes never sounded right, but we loved it for some reason and he would compel us to laugh with him.

The best memory for me regarding Ajit would be a moment where in he defied God to say what he said. Totally blasphemous and one that  vilified our biology books for years to come.

It was our Biology class and we for the first time were dealing with the human Reproductive system. We were expected to act as mature individuals, as human genitals would be frequently referred. Our teachers definitely wanted to stay away from embarrassment as at times a student may bring out his/ her (mostly his) sexual frustrations out and make the professor look like a counselor.  Prior to it all we were told "Personal questions are to be dealt with later".

The mentality of our teachers could be compared to the members of a censor board taking their jobs way too seriously.

So to people who, for the right reasons didn't pursue Biology in school (and who obviously aren't from a Science background) let me give you a low down as to what some of the terms are.
(Please understand them as mature individuals :) )
So the testis is component of the male reproductive system where as the ovary is the component of female reproductive system. That's all you need to know now :)

"The Physiological changes that can occur in a fertile woman for the purpose of sexual reproduction and fertilization is termed as" - the professor asked.
Menstrual Cycle was the answer. But the word seemed too big for Ajit and he said -

"Manchurian Cycle".

Those who heard were in a frenzy, I was laughing my ass out, tears oozing out now. The professor knew Ajit was the one as he wasn't laughing at all, it all seemed normal and 'correct' and he would ask me 'Kya hass raha hain be Mallu?'.

The professor came close to him now with the 'Male' Reproductive system's chart in her hands.
"You think you are too funny, huh?"
"Ma'am I ..."
She now pointed to a part in the chart.
"Tell me what is this?"
Ajit with the world of overconfidence said -
It worked, he was right.

The professor now pointing her ruler half an in inch away from the testis (in the chart of course), asked.
"And what is this?"

Ajit with some doubt, but the look on his face would give one a feeling that the guy could create the human reproductive system with his eyes closed and using his wrong hand.
He said -

"Simple...Ovary hain".

That was it. Madness everywhere. High fives, low fives, people going under the bench.
He had just given a glimpse of his broad mindedness, he recognised two reproductive organs in a single gender, something even a transvestite won't possess.
The professor smacked his arm with the steel ruler and responded "Hut...besharam". Ajit was thrown out!!

In life one would usually encounter someone who etches memories that would always emit a chuckle out. Here's a guy, who's thought leaves your surrounding resonating with laughter.

(For the record, Ajit was the only one short listed to have a one on one interview with the General Manager of Nutrela, currently works at Reliance Life Sciences and still remains one of my closest friends.)

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  1. ohh baap man...ROFL ROFL ROFL..ur made me nostalgic buddy... Well written

  2. Very True buddy.. A very very special friend of our everyones. n very interesting.God Bless him

  3. hahhahahaha ..... m glad ur teacher dint go for anything above testis and d ovary :P

  4. Sahi hain Rohit. Very well written. And howlarious, of course.

    You have successfully encapsulated "apna Chana" in your words :-)

  5. LMAO !!! ROTFLOL reminds me of the sex-ed sessions we had in school. Apparently my batch was the horniest of the lot to ever step into the convent school cos we had not 1 not 2 but 4 sex ed sessions. a friend asks practicals ka marks kitna hain ?

    1. Now the mallu wants a practical 'eh !? :D

      Hilarious memoirs Mallu !! keep up ! :D

  6. Superb Mo!!! Ozzy is indeed special. And you've written extremely well:) Keep it up :)

  7. ROLF.... buddy i was actually drinking water while reading through the testis episode..Needless to say i cant get up from my chair until my pant dries up :P

  8. manchurian cycle ... XTREME LOL ....

  9. ROFL took me back to my fight with Hinglish and school sex education sessions........totally nostalgic....

  10. :D cant stop laughing.. !! Ammaazzingggggggggggg..!!